The Observer | UK News | 'Shoot-to-kill' demand by US

The Observer | UK News | 'Shoot-to-kill' demand by US

This is quite a funny story, apparently the use of a mini-gun won't be allowed by the British Government..strange that.

Cash in the Attic - extended specials

Hello Cash in the Attic fans. Not sure if you've noticed, but over the last 2 days, (Mon&Tue) there have been hour long Cash in the Attic specials..exciting I know. Unfortunately I couldn't help but notice today's edition was presented by Lorne Spicer, presenter of that antiques show where they sell at car boot sales - it's rubbish. I pray that this was a one-off, Alistair, the normal presenter is still in the titles, let's hope he comes back tomorrow.

BBC - Antiques - Cash in the Attic

BBC - Antiques - Cash in the Attic

If you're a fan of Cash In the Attic like I am, you should go here. It even has a 3 minute behind the scenes video to watch. It is superb!!

Interesting google

A published Evil DNA Genius I know just pointed out an interesting fact. If you enter 'weapons of mass destruction' into google.com, and use the 'I'm feeling lucky' function, then hilarious consequences follow.

Funk Inc.

I started playing my bass yesterday again...haven't picked it up in a while. Been trying to play jamiroquai tabs, quite tricky. i did however start describing certain songs as Funk incorporated. Today, i noticed that i seem to be saying 'funk' quite a lot, a bit like the smurfs say 'smurf'. This is good so far. Funkin' funkers.

Hitler

A book about Hitler by Martin Wank, Read the reviews.

.:: Castle ::.:. .

.:: Castle ::.:. .

This evening i was introduced to a game called 'Castle', i am still playing it...have been here for a while now. I've just done stage 20 and have a total score of 744330. hmm. http://www.xgenstudios.com

Wee mee

One of my fans created this using Microsoft Wee Mee thing, to be used with the display picture function of MSN messenger 6.0. It is of me of course, nice touch with the cocktail glass

To buy or not to buy

I just watched this program all the way through, it isn't Big Strong Boys, but it may do for a while. Was actually quite amusing, I just pray that the other installments will be of the same high quality.

A weblog, or 'blog' if you will

I decided that after seeing many advertisements for weblogs, and also seeing a couple on some other sites, I may try it out. It is quite possible that I will be bored of it in a week and stop posting to it...It's too early to tell.

[OLD SITE] Big Strong Boys travesty

People who know me will know how much I used to love watching the BBC1 morning DIY show which appeared under the moniker 'Big Strong Boys'. Obviously many a gay joke has reared its ugly head. Anyway, we're getting off topic. I could quite happily watch the repeats of these, obviously God was spoiling me when I actually saw one I hadn't seen before, which did happen sometimes, not often, but sometimes.

I learnt many a DIY skill from Jake and Gav, who were almost like mentors to me. I think children without a father could do a lot worse than to adopt those two. Jake, the cockney lad of the two, would undertake most of the building work, this would include shelving units, wardrobes..any number of things. Gavin, or Gav to his friends specialised in the electrical jobs towards the end of the series. He did still construct floating shelves and the like, but felt happier handling the more technical tasks. Gav I believe, was from Guildford, the little town where I am at university, and so was the more 'upper class' of the pair, yet still he wasn't a snob.

"So what is the travesty you have led us to believe is to occur by the title Keith?" I can hear you shout. I can you know. "What could possibly ruin this perfect ensemble of presenters/skilled workmen?" Well I can answer those questions fans, hold tight. The new series of Big Strong Boys has begun, good news? No.

The presenters have been replaced by no-good-scousing-big-brother-winning-Craig Phillips, and some cheap copy of Jake who I do not care to remember. I forced myself to watch a couple of episodes from the new series as I felt it was only fair. 'God awful' I think is the only term to amply describe it. The two new 'boys' don't have the chemistry the other lads had. I am often describing things as works of the devil, but if ever there was a good example of his work, this is it. Join me in my protest, and be loyal to Jake and Gav, the Gods of morning DIY.

[OLD SITE] Monkhouse's Disease

Ahh, Monkhouse's Disease, a sad tale (not to be confused with Parkinson's Disease). A funny thing happened to me the other day, I watched the hour long 'This is Your Life' special (23/04/03) - 'special' because it was an hour long. The lucky recipient of this prestigious 'award' was none other than Robert Monkhouse, or Bob to his friends. I don't really like Robert 'Bob' Monkhouse, yet I still watched this program which mercilessly stole an hour of my life.

Something I forgot to mention earlier is that watching the show itself wasn't the only funny thing that happened to me. While watching, an odd thing occurred. Around every 5-10 minutes or at anytime I felt it was appropriate I shouted the name 'MONKHOUSE!'. I guess it is a form of Monkhouse tourettes. I must say this happened in the same week I was going quite insane with the lack of contact with the outside world and people. Perhaps it is understandable I managed to watch this tele-visual extravaganza then. I watched some other TV after this then went to bed.

The next morning something strange happened. I awoke feeling a little peculiar, so I switched on my friend the television. What was on? None other than Robert 'Bob' Monkhouse's Wipeout. For some reason I was unable to move from my seat, and it wasn't due to glue or gravity. I found myself with a new respect for Mr.Monkhouse and was warming to him and his puns. I even smiled at the pre-scripted jokes he told when introducing his contestants..Turns out I had developed Monkhouse's disease!!! After consulting a body of doctors I have been advised never to watch Wipeout again, or to go near surfers. I guess I should have expected this after feeling overwhelmingly compelled to shout his name during his obituary-like TV show which also contained a red book. Beware, it could happen to anyone.

[OLD SITE] Daytime Television

I haven't seen a single edition of Big Strong Boys this week. I've been finding it increasingly difficult to be awake by 11AM. A heinous crime I know, 11AM is quite late in the day I guess. I got up at around 12:30 today and turned the TV on. I had a choice of Wipeout with Bob Monkhouse on BBC1, The Amazing Mr.Blunden on BBC2 (I am also unsure of what that is), ITV news on ITV1 amazingly, oh and Third Watch on Channel 4. I think there was Home and Away on 'five' but that doesn't really count. What a fine choice of programs, I can either be scared by Bob 'orangeface' Monkhouse, confused by The Amazing Mr.Blunden or depressed by the news. I don't know what the program on Ch4 was about so I can't really comment, and although that is also technically true for the BBC2 'film', I don't care. Anyway, I ended up watching ITV News...I am now almost suicidal.

Thank Partridge Neighbours is on soon, 20 minutes methinks. I have also found that this website is becoming my mistress-I seem to spend a lot of time thinking of little mistakes I have made which need correcting. I think I should sever my broadband connection at home here so I can't upload anymore. Saying that though, I'm not going to. I need to spend my time doing something vaguely productive, and it's not going to be work. Maybe I'll wash my car today..something to consider.

I seem to have digressed from my original point, no matter, it doesn't bother me. It shouldn't bother you either. My bank should be sending me a new card soon, I've lost mine at home somewhere and couldn't be bothered to find it under my pile of unsorted post and stuff-that's something to look forward to. 14 minutes till Neighbours. Safe to say when that comes on I will stop writing crap..for today anyway. I have just discovered I'm arranging my day around Neighbours, kinda hoped it wouldn't come to this. There is an upside though, it is daytime television which means I haven't deviated from my original topic too much. Smoothalicious. I'm going to get some food now and then watch Neighbours, I hope you are doing the same.

[OLD SITE] What I've been up to

Well, this has certainly been an interesting week. Started off by going to the Peel in Kingston Friday night with my friend Andy. Was quite funny, lots of topless guys taking part in what I can only describe as some sort of satanic headbanging...amused me anyway, but Partridge* the drinks were expensive! Luckily I had been drinking wine on the way there (out of a glass, fear not).

I believe on the following night (Saturday) I accompanied Andy to the Plough and Harrow in Epsom to see an ex-collegue 'DJ' (I use that term loosely, we weren't DJ colleagues). But dear God I had forgotten how much I hate the young people who try really hard to make it obvious thay they are into nu-metal. It was actually quite painful sitting in the rather overcrowded excuse for a pub listening to the poor music for a start, but having to stomach the unforgivable actions of my co-drinkers was too much.

It was funny that in a way it also felt like an old man's pub-this was due to the way that I felt Andy and I stood out as if we were both wearing bright pink shell suits in the Kray's local. This may have been because we didn't adhere to the 2 or more piercing's rule.
Is it really necessary for the over excited and quite frankly naive Rosebery school girls (a local all-girls school) to behave in the way they do? When a male spiky haired Limp Bizkit fan walks in do they have to throw themselves all over them in a way which only reminds me of the girls of Essex? May I point out again, that this is one of the royal boroughs of Surrey...what's going on?

Off the topic-must apologise, but I just read the synopsis for tonight's Coronation Street, "Eileen confronts Jason - with disastrous consequences". Just made me laugh. SORRY! ok?
Haven't done much else this week, went to the Blue Anchor in Reigate and saw some old mates which was cool. Actually had quite a good laugh, saw big John, who we have discovered, plays drums...perhaps a new member for fwag we hope. This is dragging on a bit so I will end it.

*'Partridge' can be substitued for 'God', or any other suitable deity.

[OLD SITE] Heinz Ravioli

I like ravioli, or should I say I did. I've always had the smaller cans of ravioli from Heinz as I've always believed they taste better, because they do. But recently I've noticed that the people from Heinz are trying to pull the wool over my eyes. Oh yes, they may seem sweet and innocent, but this couldn't be further from the truth.

I hereby accuse Heinz of reducing the amount of ravioli and sauce in the afore mentioned tins by at least 5percent each year since I can remember eating it, so that's at least 11 years ish. Do the maths and you'll discover a frightening fact, yes, 5percent multiplied by 11 is quite a lot.

I intend to phone the appropriate customer careline and convey my disappointment. We'll have to wait for the outcome...hold on to your seats.

[OLD SITE] Garden Invaders

Since the new series of Garden Invaders has begun on BBC1 morning schedule, something startling has happened. Hold on to your seats as I tell you that the original presenter, can't remember his name, has been replaced by none other than Linford Christie. I'll give you a moment to collect your thoughts........

OK, Linford is a good man, no problem with him, won us some medals at the old 100 metre dash I think. However, I don't believe these accolades qualify him as a garden guy/gardener. I am still unsure whether his inhuman knowledge of plants and general agriculture which is present on the show is scripted.

The difference between Linford and the other guy, we'll call him Mr. I.Plant for now, is that Mr.Plant didn't allow an opportunity for this to cross my mind. I was always happy and secure thinking he knew as much as Mr.Alan Titchmarsh, give or take a few trees.
I have now discovered, in the last 30 seconds that Mr.Plant has a real name, and that name is Mark Evans. He presents a series called Dream Machine which is on Channel 5's primetime slot. If you could have a primetime slot on Channel 5...Is that a paradox?