Sunday, 24 June 2007

7 Carrot Gold

This is the beginning of a new selection of reviews based upon the range of vegetables available to me in my kitchen.

Today is the humble Morrisons frozen baby carrot. That is it there, before cooking. The green bit is added goodness I imagine.

After two minutes of boiling in pasta water, and a further couple of minutes simmering in chopped tomato juice I guessed they were ready to eat.

Everyone knows that carrots are the vegetable of the adventurous, the baby variety even more so. Twenty times more powerful than a green bean, they are renowned as the vegetable of Dr. Indiana Jones himself.

Perhaps less well known is the fact that carrots are only second to chinchillas in anti-taste. Anti-taste of course being the phenomenon of removing whatever flavour present in your mouth for the next 11 hours.

The carrots experienced for the purpose of this review were not crispy, but crunchy. Crispiness is easily defined as biting into a leaf of iceberg lettuce, or the first break in a stick of fresh celery. That's fine; but what about crunchiness? A biscuit is crunchy, as are Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes, but there is the subtle crunch you find in tough but brittle foods, such as plates, and the raw carrot stick.
The baby carrots were actually neither of these, forget what was said earlier.
The familiar molecular structure of carrot
Tooth passage was not altogether easy, resistance was in its plural form and sometimes hard going. Even swapping to the sharpest teeth in the fleet did not fully eradicate the problem.
With the battle behind, the carrot can languish on the tongue. A slightly watery taste presented itself, which might suggest a lack of proper draining after cooking.
However, fault on the part of the chef is impossible.

Swallowing was effortless after sufficient chewing, which was about a 4.8 on the scale. That said, they were quite chewy, around a 6.

In defence of the sods, they were faultlessly orange and provided excellent dinnertime repartee.
More suitable as guests than food, Morrison's Carrots are a constant disappointment and are about as satisfying as windchimes.

Sunday, 10 June 2007

Well-come back music

In an effort to update this more often I've decided to share with you, the caring public, the strange songs I've had in my head today. Often my head will just be populated with the one song which will be in there all day over and over, such as Barbie Girl by Aqua, or something of similar artistic merit. Yet today there has been a plethora, yes, as many as that.

This morning I was unsurprised to have Billy Joel's Uptown Girl in my head, it wouldn't be the first time. It also wouldn't be the first time I've sung the only words I am familiar with repeatedly. Those being: "uptown girl, we've been living in an uptown world". It suddenly occurs to me that they probably aren't the correct lyrics.

Next up was Diana Ross with Chain Reaction, a song fiendishly difficult to find on the internet it seems. Wikipedia seems to insist it has something to do with neutron-fission. My recollection of "we're in the middle of a chain reaction" wasn't that far off either! (Actually it might have been quite easy to find)

After watching the Kate Bush medley Alan Partridge performed on my housemate Tom's Steve Coogan DVD last night, Running Up That Hill appeared. After a quick bit of internetting I have confirmed it was from a children's TV show I vaguely remember called Running Scared.

For some reason while trying to recall Chain Reaction, Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel replaced it. The only disjointed lyrics for this in my memory are "you could make a big difference......i wanna be, *bam* sledgehammer *bam bam bammmm* sledgehammer." All wrong of course (he doesn't actually say 'bam', it's some sort of synth hit)

Finally Tears in My Eyes - Ultravox.
This would make a strange sort of mixtape, probably one to give if you want someone to break up with you.... or to convince them you are gay once and for all.

I want to hear some more medleys.