Monday, 19 May 2003

[OLD SITE] Big Strong Boys travesty

People who know me will know how much I used to love watching the BBC1 morning DIY show which appeared under the moniker 'Big Strong Boys'. Obviously many a gay joke has reared its ugly head. Anyway, we're getting off topic. I could quite happily watch the repeats of these, obviously God was spoiling me when I actually saw one I hadn't seen before, which did happen sometimes, not often, but sometimes.

I learnt many a DIY skill from Jake and Gav, who were almost like mentors to me. I think children without a father could do a lot worse than to adopt those two. Jake, the cockney lad of the two, would undertake most of the building work, this would include shelving units, wardrobes..any number of things. Gavin, or Gav to his friends specialised in the electrical jobs towards the end of the series. He did still construct floating shelves and the like, but felt happier handling the more technical tasks. Gav I believe, was from Guildford, the little town where I am at university, and so was the more 'upper class' of the pair, yet still he wasn't a snob.

"So what is the travesty you have led us to believe is to occur by the title Keith?" I can hear you shout. I can you know. "What could possibly ruin this perfect ensemble of presenters/skilled workmen?" Well I can answer those questions fans, hold tight. The new series of Big Strong Boys has begun, good news? No.

The presenters have been replaced by no-good-scousing-big-brother-winning-Craig Phillips, and some cheap copy of Jake who I do not care to remember. I forced myself to watch a couple of episodes from the new series as I felt it was only fair. 'God awful' I think is the only term to amply describe it. The two new 'boys' don't have the chemistry the other lads had. I am often describing things as works of the devil, but if ever there was a good example of his work, this is it. Join me in my protest, and be loyal to Jake and Gav, the Gods of morning DIY.

Friday, 2 May 2003

[OLD SITE] Monkhouse's Disease

Ahh, Monkhouse's Disease, a sad tale (not to be confused with Parkinson's Disease). A funny thing happened to me the other day, I watched the hour long 'This is Your Life' special (23/04/03) - 'special' because it was an hour long. The lucky recipient of this prestigious 'award' was none other than Robert Monkhouse, or Bob to his friends. I don't really like Robert 'Bob' Monkhouse, yet I still watched this program which mercilessly stole an hour of my life.

Something I forgot to mention earlier is that watching the show itself wasn't the only funny thing that happened to me. While watching, an odd thing occurred. Around every 5-10 minutes or at anytime I felt it was appropriate I shouted the name 'MONKHOUSE!'. I guess it is a form of Monkhouse tourettes. I must say this happened in the same week I was going quite insane with the lack of contact with the outside world and people. Perhaps it is understandable I managed to watch this tele-visual extravaganza then. I watched some other TV after this then went to bed.

The next morning something strange happened. I awoke feeling a little peculiar, so I switched on my friend the television. What was on? None other than Robert 'Bob' Monkhouse's Wipeout. For some reason I was unable to move from my seat, and it wasn't due to glue or gravity. I found myself with a new respect for Mr.Monkhouse and was warming to him and his puns. I even smiled at the pre-scripted jokes he told when introducing his contestants..Turns out I had developed Monkhouse's disease!!! After consulting a body of doctors I have been advised never to watch Wipeout again, or to go near surfers. I guess I should have expected this after feeling overwhelmingly compelled to shout his name during his obituary-like TV show which also contained a red book. Beware, it could happen to anyone.