Supersize me

I ate a whole lettuce tonight while watching 'Supersize me' on channel 4. It was to make up for the fact that I ate no vegetables with my meal. I think it took around an hour. I'll report any strange effects tomorrow.

Douglas Hurd: "Are these my eyebrows?"

It has certainly been a trying time for former cabinet minister Douglas Hurd this week as he is now becoming unsure about the ownership of his eyebrows.
Lord Hurd was convinced that he was the owner of both his left, and right eyebrow; however, the introduction of recent EU legislation has left him in a state of confusion, and some suggest, despair

"Ask Condoleezza"

A new sensation is sweeping across school playgrounds and new media offices alike. Gone are the days when both children and adults would jest about phoning a friend; now when asked perplexing questions to which they don't know the answer, the little scamps simply reply, "Ask Condoleezza!" This is of course a reference to Condoleeza Rice, the newly appointed US Secretary of State. This is proving a serious problem for both teachers and managers, who are unable to command any sort of useful response from their students or employees. I myself recently encountered a similar problem. After asking a librarian where I could find the philatelic studies section, she just laughed and said, "Ask Condoleezza." Obviously I am left both without any books, and any hope. Commentators suggest this latest craze could leave the country in ruins.

[OLD SITE] It's late and I've been drinking...

This is one of the few, rare occasions where I'll write one of these whilst under the influence of alcohol. The only in fact, to date. Therefore you could say this is truly a ramble, a drunken one at that. I felt compelled to write this after looking at the TV schedule for the upcoming morning on BBC1, it's more than disappointing, but I'll look into that later. I've just come back from attending the university's 'Live Night' which is hosted at the student's union bar. It's 46 minutes past midnight, and it is fair to say I am edging towards being quite inebriated. As such, you should excuse the rambling nature of this short essay. The fantastic aspect of 'Live Nights', apparently previously given the moniker, 'Indie Night', is that you get a lot of cliques and scenesters. I am finding it hard to decide whether I have more distaste towards the RnB folk, or the fake circles of people who attend the alternative music nights.

Such an example of these cliques, are two young fellows I have met previously, but never really tempted to have a conversation with. They are at the height of cool, one of them permanently wearing a tiny scarf, tied in the townie fashion, and the other being a shorter, somehow more immature version. They are also at the height of fashion, obviously having consulted the style advisors from Topman.

Tonight I had the misfortune of talking to them, it was my own fault. I felt obliged to aid an acquaintance of mine, her friend couldn't get away from talking to the pair. I stepped in to give her friend an excuse to leave, and I started to re-kindle our forgotten relationship. Unfortunately, the little one perceived my slightly inebriated state to be of a higher degree than it actually is. He proceeded to insist that his name was 'Dave', thus outsmarting me. It was genius. Especially considering I know his name isn't Dave, or in fact David. I have to concede that I do not actually remember his name, I suppose I haven't found it that important to keep in the forefront of my mind. I do however know that isn't his name. Kudos to this young man, his clique status has obviously gone to his head, intoxicating him more than the pints of Worthingtons I was consuming tonight. Perhaps if I reminded him that true individualism isn't trying to look like the ever so popular 'indie' bands he spots on T4 on Sunday mornings, then he'd realise that he wasn't quite so special. Somehow I feel, my words would fall on deaf ears.

I must apologise, this passage is of a much more self indulgent nature than usual, but it will lead to my analysis of these little groups, and hopefully their eventual destruction in due course. Watch this space.

Leicester pubs ban drinkers from wearing Burberry label

Leicester pubs ban drinkers from wearing Burberry label

About bloody time!
I think i could make the country a much safer place if I could ban people from places by what they wear. Burberry would be at the top of the list, then Nickelson..

Speak proper like

This is the news
Click on the link above, and you will be transported to the wondrous news website of The Guardian. If I could be so bold as to be more accurate, I would tell you that it is a link to a particular story, on said website, that website being the home of news.
Many of you will already be aware of the problems I have with tolerating the rude boy/chav population, part of this hatred is fuelled by their blatant disregard of the fine English language. Perhaps if they weren't so flippant with its use, I may be more forgiving. Anyway, you're making me digress, stop it immediately!
The party animals at The Qualifications and Curriculum Authority (QCA) have decided that children of 12-16 years of age should be taught to speak properly. Good show.